after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
