he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
