Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It was a blind-side dick pic.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize