I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
