I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
