He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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