i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
