Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
