her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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