suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
