So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
