Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
