i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
