I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize