I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
