Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
