Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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