I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
