I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Non-Jews are for practice
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
