dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
