After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
