wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
