I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
one two three fourrrrnication!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
