Having a random hookup so left but love u
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
