The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My pussy is not your playground.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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