still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
