so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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