I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
