do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
