and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
