Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
