bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have grass duct taped all over my body
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
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