i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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