i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
