how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
