I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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