Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
