I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
