Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize