im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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