Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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