and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
