Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize