Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
