smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
