I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
