So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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