More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
