Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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