this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So vagazzling was a success
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
