I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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