I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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