I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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