And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
