Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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