jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize