Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
