Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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