Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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