So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
