wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
