I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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