in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
