he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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