Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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