I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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