fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
