Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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