i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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