Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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